Oh, The Shame

so, what with the start of “National Novel Writing Month”:http://nanowrimo.org i managed to goad myself into doing something writing-related.

i wrote the initial stage directions to a new short play… then i scrapped that and sat down to read the first act of my most recent play (May 2004, ouch) in preparation for a much-needed rewrite. it’s amazing how time and distance can change your perspective on something:

• the dialogue is generally creaky and reads like it needs to be heard out loud so that i can make it sound like actual human speech
• the whole act zooms by at an amazing clip. everything needs to slow down, add more details, develop things more.
• the tone is all over the map. the characters don’t seem consistent at all, and the menacing tone that i’d like to go for isn’t really concretely there
• mr. antonelli: needs to be creepier, more of a jerk. mrs. antonelli: need to play with this portrayal.
• note for second act: no body-snatching. why not a finely crafted invention for a head?

to re-iterate: the whole thing reeks of “first draft”. i mean, it’s a whole lot more _there_ than knifepoint was after the first crack, but damn this needs some work. i’m so screwed…